I have spent ten years teaching. I love teaching. I don’t love the paperwork, the disrespect from other faculty members, the blame game, or the negative workplace environment. Working with tough kids, a breeze compared to how mean and nasty adults are. I never had a problem with parents or kids, usually because many (not all) that I worked with came from a repetitive cycle of abuse, drugs, alcohol, or poverty. It was the teachers and admin that lead to my toxic stress and my decision to not go back to the in person classroom.
Not all schools are like this, the first school I worked at we had to love each other because it was a private behavior day school that was linked to an inpatient program. The kids were hard, most came from poverty, abused, neglected, and many had mental illness. I loved the people I worked with. I think about many of my former students and the lessons I learned from them.
My next job was far from home. I loved the middle school. I had support from a director and another special ed. teacher. My students were fantastic and parents were great (those that showed up). Most of the faculty was supportive. It was just so far from our family that after two years I found another job closer to home.
At first it was great! I thought, I can handle being the new person. Then when I would not conform and when I tried to make changes to help my population of students, the whispers and the cold began to set in. I thought I could ride it out. But that was not the case, because the problem was not just the teachers, but also the administration.
I went to the superintendent and he referred to the teachers that I was struggling with as “the bitches at the end of the hall way.” He told me that they made the last sped teacher cry. I asked about a couple other teachers and he said that they were no help either. He left a couple years later.
I sat in the principal’s office as she complained about every single teacher I worked with. Even her drinking buddies were not safe from her. She called them inept, mean, closed minded, need to take a class on how to do (you name it). She ran everyone down. Sitting there in her office, I felt sick. She would complain about every teacher and how she was just waiting for so and so to retire. How terrible at dealing with this kid or that problem, so and so is. Honestly, I knew it was a matter of time before it was me. My last year there was such hell. I had completely stopped eating with the faculty. I didn’t go out to drink with them and I didn’t go to my favorite conference. Also, I was pregnant and having toxic stress is not good for the baby (who ended up coming right after school was let out for the summer).
Oh yeah I have not had a work induced panic or anxiety attack since I stopped teaching at my last school, funny how that one job had such a negative effect on my health. Also, I have lots of support from my online coworkers now then I had with in person teachers at my last school. Was it just me? No, because other teachers who have left that school also felt the same way.
Do I want to go back to public education? My honest answer is not right now. I love the break I am getting. I love teaching, I hate the paperwork hell of special education. I never wanted to teach special education forever. My dream was to teach third, fourth or fifth grade. Someday I will go back to teaching a brick and mortar job, when Avah is older, but for now I will teach online.
Mom, Wife, Simple Life 